8 September 2015
Thank you, so so so much for your emails/letters. I appreciate it more than you know. I just opened the one with all of the pictures out and around our houses this morning. It was perfect. It’s cool to see how the notes always seem to come when I need them the most.
True, your comments along with the photos definitely made me homesick, but don’t worry, it was the good kind.
I love Hawai’i a lot. A lot, a lot. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to rush through my mission or waste the days just wishing it away. I am so happy I’m here. Everyday for me is a miracle, because honestly, who ever would have thought that I could be capable of this? It boggles my mind and that alone is a testimony to me that God is good, powerful, merciful, patient, and loving–that this way is The Way.
Unfortunately, we all know that doesn’t mean it’s easy. And for me, nearly every moment is a bittersweet moment. It’s hard not to be envious of you Idahoans. I’m so jealous I could cry. Almost. It’s close :).
The worst thing (or maybe the best thing, it’s a very fine line) is that I never really felt like Idaho was the place where I belonged until I knew I was actually leaving it. I miss it now. So badly. I imagine it–or try to–and it feels so weird. I never noticed before just how thoroughly every bit of Buffalo Road is engrained in me. Not just in my head or heart, but every part. Arms and legs included. No senses exempt. I close my eyes and I FEEL Idaho . . . Ouch. But I guess that’s one of the best parts about leaving home. Only then can you really figure out what or where home is.
The other day Sister Smith and I were driving back from Pearl City to Waipahu. We drove through an underpass and for some inexplicable reason, Boise hit me in the heart. What’s really cool though, is when you stop thinking about where you’re going at all until you get to whatever place it is you were heading to and realize you’d been on auto pilot the whole time.
Then, you know, since I’m me, I over think it until I make myself sad again realizing that it’s probably going to be nearly as painful to leave here as it was Pocatello. Sometimes I wish my brain would just stop. But alas . . . I am Da kine. AKA a Carlsen 🙂 and proud of it, of course.
I don’t know if you’ve ever really watched it before . . . if no, then give it a try one of these days, but there’s an episode of Doctor Who (Emma could tell you EXACTLY which one) that says something like this: Sad is happy for deep people. Not to say I’m a deep person. At all. Believe me I am plenty shallow. I love that statement though, so much, because it supports and gives validation to what I feel every other moment out here plus a few more.
Nowadays, from what I can see, the largest percent of true sadness is rooted in love. Except for the time I cried about getting pink pajamas for Christmas. Still can’t quite figure that one out . . .
Anyway, I guess my point is to say, missions are miserable, life hurts, and having opposition in all things really does suck. Still, I am confident that if we experienced the alternative then every single one of us would be scrambling to get back to this painful pathway we all have to walk i.e. the canal banks ;). It’s beautiful yeah?
Thanks again for the update and the pictures! Like I said, perfect. Be sure to enjoy fall a little bit more for me. I’m missing that a lot out here. And you guys, too. Always. Give Papa my love, maybe have him keep me updated on his projects! That’d be fun. 🙂
All my love,
Aubrey and Chick Christmas Eve 1996
Chick is Aubrey’s paternal grandmother. It would be blasphemous to address her by any name other than Chick. She is a wonderful matriarch for the Carlsen family.
Da kine is an expression in Hawaiian Pidgin probably derived from “the kind.” It has been humorously defined as “the keystone of pidgin.” I’m thinking it will be interesting to listen to Aubrey once she has completed her mission.
Doctor Who Season 3 Episode 11 Blink; One of my all time favorites. Ingenious. Sally Sparrow says the memorable line, “Sad is happy for deep people.” One does need the context for lasting impact otherwise it becomes another trite statement that is over used on Pinterest. An episode well worth the 43 minutes, but we are lovers of Doctor Who here at the Carlsen household.